It may sound unusual, but it’s true: I’m afraid of commitment. Just the idea of being part of a committed relationship and all its “trappings” (i.e., moving out to the suburbs, getting married, and becoming dependent on another person in my day-to-day life) — makes me shudder. The possibility of being consumed by my passion for someone else? Absolutely terrifying.
Why is it that making a lifelong commitment, something Hollywood and the media have ingrained into women to be the ultimate goal of relationships, feels so frightening for some of us? Why does building a strong and impenetrable wall around our hearts feel so much safer than appearing vulnerable or needy to the opposite sex? It may be counter-dependency.
Most people are familiar with co-dependent couples’ clinginess and revolving caretaker roles in relationships, thanks to talk shows, self-help books and the like. Counter-dependents, however, radiate aloofness and are driven to project an image that makes them seem wholly self-sustained.
While most of us have probably never even heard of counter-dependency, in reality, it affects a large swath of society, according to Dr. Janae B. Weinhold, counselor and co-author of Counter-Dependency: the Flight from Intimacy and her co-author and psychologist husband, Dr. Barry K. Weinhold.