Before, during and after divorce, there are many divorce issues to deal with. Find a solid ground that you can hold onto when dealing with divorce “issues”, or an antique piece of your relationship with an ex. Sometimes it is a challenge because our buttons get pushed and “they” know how to push them. It is, at times, like it feeds them and the energy they get from button pushing feels like the rush we once had when we were IN the relationship.
What we want to do is transfer that emotion into something healthy and current, being that we are no longer in a partnership or romance with an ex.
Like You and Me. If we have kids, it becomes even more necessary to be civil, since one of the most common maladies with divorce and children is an actual syndrome called PAS – Parent Alienation Syndrome. It is when one parent bad-mouths the other; even a subtle eye rolling or sigh can be interrupted by a child of any age as disapproval.
What happens next is that the child (being a part of both parents) feels bad or not enough – or disapproved of. That child does not understand why a part of them (the other parent) is being scoffed or made fun of, or spoken badly of. Enough of this and the child grows up to be in pain or needs to be in therapy with unresolved issues from the mother or father – or both.
Clean Up. So, let’s nip that one in the bud and be civil. If you can’t be civil then use email, texts or letters to communicate, until you can find your kinder side. And, if necessary, see a counselor to move past any left over feelings or anger and resentment residue so you can move forward clean and clear, and …Be pen for another relationship, when the time is right!