When is the right time to find a therapist, and do you need one to leave or stay in a marriage? A common issue in divorce is an issue of control. Because you are no longer married, what other control device is there but money? With women – it seems to be sex and with men – it’s perhaps money. And, since you are no longer intimate with your husband, and he sees the children – perhaps he feels he owes you nothing.
Unfortunately the courts don’t see it that way. They don’t care if that person doesn’t “wanna” pay child support, they are responsible for caring for the child the two of you created together.
Casualties. So many children become casualties of this control game between ex-spouses when all they really want is for their mom and their dad to get along. Sometimes it happens. Often it doesn’t. Too many times a marriage ends badly; issues are not worked out and people (one or both) act out their hurt, resentment or anger over and over in a negative way, asking to be noticed or acknowledged.
Divorce Therapy. Too many times people go to a marriage counselor to “save”; a marriage; but, when it looks like a marriage is really over – it needs to be put to rest and the issues need to be resolved so both people can move on. This prevents any need to punish the other parent and saves wear and tear on the children as well.
Dad’s Point of View. Try, if you can, to discuss with your ex that the money you get from him goes for food, clothing, and child care and directly addresses the needs of your child. You don’t fly to Paris and you don’t dine out every night. Also, remember, men have a lot of challenges when it comes to divorce as well – especially if they didn’t want the marriage to end.
Maybe you can also acknowledge how hard you know he works and how much you appreciate his support. If you’ve tried talking and it didn’t work, or the anger runs too deep – skip to the next step and call your local DA’s office and ask them for help.
A lot of issues come up when your family life changes….