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My son's father and I were high-school sweethearts ... I am a twenty-two year old single mom of a terrific two year old. Have I got a story for you. My son's father and I were high-school sweethearts, voted class couple in fact. We went off to college together and in December of my sophomore year I realized I had a "surprise" on the way. I thought, "okay, I can handle this." I was overestimating myself a bit. I went back to school for the spring semester and I threw up every five minutes. I had not told my father or my step-monster about the pregnancy yet, and I was living in an apartment that smelled like the sewer treatment plant down the street. Needless to say, my sweetheart was occupied with playing football and drinking, so he was very supportive. He politely asked me if I wouldn't mind throwing up before I came to visit him. I went home for the summer and I thought things would be better. One week before I delivered, Sweetiepie went away to football camp. I of course went into to labor while he was away. He made it back in time and I delivered my precious boy into the world. During baby's first checkup he screamed like a banshee. The new Daddy-0 slept right through it. The doctor asked me if he would ever wake up. I said he was just really tired from the long drive home. Never mind I had just been in labor for twelve hours! We went home, and two days later, the new daddy went back to college. I on the otherhand stayed home with a screaming infant who I can't remember ever sleeping. Friday, September 13 began the darkest period of my life. I slipped into a terrible depression. I thought it was because I missed my sweetheart. So the next morning I left for New York. Things got horribly worse. I thought I would hurt the baby. I kept having horrible thoughts like what would happen if I smothered the baby while breastfeeding or if I threw him off the balcony? I could not believe that I was capable of thinking such thoughts! I could not eat, I could not sleep, I could not manage any meditation. I had to keep the television on constantly to keep my mind occupied. It took all my energy just to take care of my baby. I was too ashamed to tell anyone what I was thinking. I thought I was a monster. I finally decided that if I killed myself then there was no chance I could hurt the baby.I went to the hospital, the social worker hugged me and told me that I was not crazy and that I would not hurt my baby. I cried and cried. My father wanted my sweetiepie to bring me home so that I could go to a local hospital. Sweetheart asked if it could wait until Tuesday, (this being Sunday ). My father threatened him with bodily harm. I returned home that night with my baby and sweetiepie dropped us off and went back to school, with my car ! It has been two years since all that occurred. I am okay. I am a single parent. I went back to college and I am still going part time. I will graduate in May of 2000. I take care of my son. He seems happy. I think I am doing a pretty good job. Even though the kind of postpartum depression that I had is very rare, I hope other women understand that it is very treatable. I'm happier than I ever was before. I think some of that might have to do with my terrific two year. |
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