Making Divorce more Humane for Children

We all know that divorce is very difficult for children.. The laws of the land recognize this, and intend to focus on the best interest of the child. The laws vary from state to state. Most of the time, they do not define what this best interest is. It is then usually assumed that the best interest of the child is to be in the custody of the better parent (I don’t like the word custody, but I use it because it is the legal word). The traditional divorce is an adversarial process in which parents are encouraged to fight it out so that “the best parent” may win. Society says this is the price we have to pay for divorce.

The problem is, this is not just a tremendous financial and emotional burden for the adults involved. It is a catastrophe for the children of divorce. While one parent may “win” the custody fight, there is no happy outcome for the children: it is a foregone conclusion that they will end up losing one parent. In fact, all too often, children are effectively losing both parents, in an emotional sense. The divorce battle is so heated that it draws the parents’ attention onto this life-and-death struggle, away from the children in whose name the battle is being fought! Fortunately, a new paradigm has been emerging over the past couple of decades – a recognition that children of divorce have the right to keep both parents. It is about steering the parents toward cooperation, instead of making the divorce an all-or-nothing fight.