However, there is a caveat to this one and that is if we are talking to a pre-schooler. Because their attention span is so short, they don't often remember that we have told them something five or more times. They think each time they hear it is the first time. So when dealing with them it's okay for us to repeat things as often as we believe necessary until they get it or do it because there are no bad after effects to the repetition. But, ladies and gentlemen, watch out for that magic moment when they make the cross-over into adolescents and we get into the twice is nagging phrase. Unfortunately, there's no way to know you're there until you get the time honored response"I heard you mother/dad, alright? Leave me alone. I'll do it, I said I would and I will so stop bugging me, Okay? "But when dear", "I said I'll do it. Jeez" and then they wander off, their heads in a cloud and not much closer to doing or learning that we have worked so hard to teach them or point them towards. Now, to get back to that step I passed up before.

There comes a time in every child's life when they are actually beginning to reason things out on their own and in a productive way. For them we have the once is informing and twice is nagging stage. I know this because I have most recently experienced it with my 20 year old who talked about moving out with one of her friends. As she spoke with great urgency of the need to move out before she was, what I knew in my heart to be, financially ready and had planned for most contingencies, I gave her my sage advice that she might want to wait until she had put a minimum amount of money away so that she not only could meet her first month's expenses but have something in reserve in case she got sick or lost one of her jobs. I don't know what maid me hold off saying this to her more than once but I did. Maybe it was because her mom was also, "saying it to her one time" and perhaps this is sort of cheating. But since she spends the bulk of her time with me, I didn't feel it was cheating since I am still the main person "informing" her of life's lessons. In any event, I held off saying it a second time.

For days, she walked around stressing about how she was going to not only be ready to move by the end of the month but be able to "hang on" to her apartment beyond thateven with the financial help her mother was ready to give her on a monthly basis. And then it happenedshe came to me with the self-realization that she had not planned this move well. Instead, she intoned, she was going to move out with a different friend but not for at least three months. Why, I asked? Because, she said, this would give her time to get settled into her jobs and know exactly what she could count on making (so long as she didn't get sick or fired or laid off or have her hours cut back for some reason) and it would also give her plenty of time to pay off her current bills and put enough aside to have her "move-in" monies covered with some more left over in case of emergency's. Hazar! She got it and pretty much on her own for the first timeat least as I saw it. She smiled at me and I smiled at her and I knew I didn't even have to say "I told you so" because I could tell by the twinkle in her eye that it was understood and unnecessary from now on.

And all of this was accomplished without a single whine, or a single door being slammed shut or any feelings of frustration and aggravation on my part. So you see, moms and dads, there really is a way to deal with our kids without all the annoyance that just rote repetition brings. I hope you'll all try my method at least once and see how it works with your kids. However, I'm reasoning that because kids have a grapevine more effective than anything the CIA or AT&T could put together, they will have shared the knowledge of my teachings and already be one step ahead of you so what will you have to lose and, more importantly, think of what you'll have to gain.

Good luck to you all.

Rich Warren is a single dad, writer, composer and producer living and working in Los Angeles, California