Nevertheless, "living-with" grandparents preferred their informal arrangement. Obtaining legal custody would involve declaring their own child an unfit parent, which takes an emotional as well as financial toll. Jendrek noted that grandparents in all three categories are committed to providing a stable family environment. They also display an ability to improvise in the face of unusual and sometimes difficult situations. The grandparent is caretaker, but the parent retains legal custody and can make any decisions regarding the kids.

The grandparent has temporary legal custody, which public housing and some school districts require of caregivers. Legal custodians make decisions concerning daily care of the child, but parents are still involved in major decisions. The grandparent adopts the child, and rights of the birth parents are terminated. Few grandparents choose this option because it can end a relationship with your own child.

One group has proposed a legal remedy called "kinship adoption," a concept yet untested but supported by some family advocates, that keeps the door open between birth parent and child. The adopting grandparent would have parental rights, but the birth parent would stay a valued relative with a legally defined role allowing visitations or access to school records.