But many grandparents and professionals think that bending family relationships to fit legal requirements is misguided. Patricia DeMichele of AARP's Legal Counsel for the Elderly cautions that seeking custody is "costly, time consuming, intrusive and can destroy existing family relationships." Instead, she recommends bending the requirements to fit the family. For example, insurance regulations could be changed so the primary caregiver's policy -- whether the parent or grandparent -- would cover the child. A durable power of attorney for the child to get necessary assistance, no matter who the caregiver is, could also be created.

The bottom line.
Grandparents are very important and influential people to grandchildren of all ages. As the grandparent, you may need to work at defining your new role and establishing a positive relationship with your grandchild. The circumstances that put you in this position have a big impact on how your role develops. Keep in mind that the child is not responsible for the situation and should not be put in a position of being blamed or shamed. You have an exciting opportunity to guide your grandchild to the responsible adult level you envision.

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